Dyskusja użytkownika Marshalist

At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter says, “aight y’all. We’re under-staffed…

…and frankly I’m just trying to get fired at this point. We can’t just let any goody-two-shoes into Heaven anymore and I just don’t give a fuck so you’re only allowed in if you’ve had a particularly brutal death. Because I’m St motherfucking Peter and I said so.”

This fat guy walks up. “I think I should be a shoe-in. I’d suspected my wife for quite some time. I just knew she was cheating. So I came home early from work to see if I could catch her and she was acting weird when I walked in - ‘oh honey! I didn’t expect you home early! I was just going to order food! Do you want anything! I just love your tie! What are you doing? Can I help you find something? Honey, just relax! What are you looking for! Honey please! No stop! You just relax and tell me what you’re looking for! Honey!’ Then I heard a noise outside and found the asshole. He was hanging off our third story balcony so I started whacking him with my briefcase. But the fucker was tenacious. He just wouldn’t let go! I ran into the house and I was so furious that I yanked the refrigerator out of the wall, and shoved the entire thing over the edge of the balcony and killed the bastard hahaha! But from all the stress I guess I had a heart attack and now I’m here…”

St Peter says, “bruh that’s metal. Get on in.”

Another guy walks ups: “I really don’t understand. I was just trimming some plants on my 4th story balcony and I lost balance. I caught the railing of the balcony below mine and this fat guy comes up and starts hitting me! I don’t know what his problem was but he shoved an entire refrigerator over the edge and crushed me!”

St Peter: Oh shit haha! Yeah you’re in!

Another guy walks up: “this is kind of a long story, but I was hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”