"Jedyna krowa w małym miasteczku w Polsce przestała dawać mleko".

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for two thousand roubles or one from Minsk for one thousand roubles.

Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk, and the people were so happy that they decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and so produce more cows like it.

Then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

So they bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

But whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow didn't want to know.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi for his advice.

They told the rabbi what had been happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away,"

they said.

"If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about the problem for a minute and then asked: "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were amazed, because they had never mentioned where they had bought the COW.

"You are truly a wise rabbi," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"

The rabbi replied sadly: "My wife is from Minsk.

#kawalzreddit #zzr

*My favorite math joke:*

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'What's this?' the boss asks.

'Ave you gotta no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,' says the Italian.

'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . 'Ere you go.'

The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?' '

Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.'

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'

The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree.

So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start?

#kawalzreddit #zzr

Abram, on his death bed, looks around at his gathered family.

"Sarah, my beautiful wife. You are here. My sons, Shem and Josep are here. My daughters, Rebecca and Golda, you are here also. My loving family all here with me."

He rises, painfully, on one elbow and says, "So why is the light on in the kitchen?"

#kawalzreddit

A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Swordsman."

Seeing this, the Englishman opens the window and lets another fly in. He quickly pulls out an arrow, shoots, and the fly sticks to the wall, dead. He then gives out his business card, which proclaims him as "England's Best Archer."

Not wanting to be outdone, the Turk opens the window and lets in another fly. He takes out a small knife and throws it at the fly. The fly falls, but after a few seconds, it gets up and flies away. The Englishman and Frenchman burst into laughter. Unfazed, the Turk hands them his business card. It reads: "Remzi, Professional Circumciser."

#kawalzreddit

One day Joe comes home to see a big ass gorilla on his roof. Joe goes inside and Googles "Gorilla Removal Services" and sure enough there's a guy in his area, so he calls him up. A little later a guy rolls up in a van and he's dressed in a full-on realistic-looking gorilla suit.

The guy starts taking stuff out of his van to get ready and Joe is a bit skeptical, but thinks he must know what he's doing. First the guy opens the side door and huge nasty looking rottweiler gets out and sits by at attention, staring at the gorilla. Then the guy retrieves a ladder, a baseball bat and a shotgun.

"Okay I'm gonna use the ladder to get on the roof, then I'll fool the gorilla into thinking I'm friendly, then I'm gonna knock him off the roof with the baseball bat. The dog is trained to bite down on the gorilla's genitals until I come down and give the command to let go"

Joe says "what's the shotgun for?"

"If the gorilla knocks me off instead, shoot the dog"

#kawalzreddit

#kawalzreddit #angielski #humor

A workman is 5 floors up at a construction site and realizes he forgot his hammer...

He leans over the edge of the building and sees his friend on the ground floor. He shouts down to him "Hey buddy I need my hammer." His friends looks up but motions to his ears that he can't hear him.

The workman, thinking quickly, decides to sign out what he wants. He points to his eye for "I," his knee for "need," and then makes a hand motion for his hammer.

His friend on the ground floor squints up, and then unzips his pants and starts furiously masturbating.

The workman, shocked, runs down the 5 flights of stairs to his friend. "Hey buddy," he says, "I was trying to tell you that I need my hammer. What the hell are you doing?"

"I know!" says his friend. "I was telling you that I'm coming."

#kawalzreddit #czarnyhumor #angielskihumor #angielski

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.

Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bruises.

"What's the matter?" asked the man's wife.

"I lost my job as a bus driver."

#kawalzreddit